What I'm Thankful For

I've been slacking lately, and for that I apologize. But the holidays are just a crazy time of year. The fact that I've had less time to devote to providing with with something to do instead of what you should be doing doesn't mean that I've just been doing nothing. College football season is ramping up, I'm celebrating the end of baseball season, college basketball is on, and it's almost Christmas, so you know what that means... that's right - hitting the gym so I can drop some bows on soccer moms at Urban Outfitters so I can get my sister those Frye Boots.

Sike they're not getting any boots.

Ahh the leaves are changing, and the air is crisp and cool. That must mean it's time to overeat in honor of the pilgrims.

Thanksgiving lends itself to a sort of quiet introspection. It's one of the few American holidays where people take a step back, slow down, and think about how lucky they are to live in a country where we can use all the other holidays as an excuse to get black out drunk in the name of tradition.

Mmmmm

Thanksgiving is a classic American holiday. Large groups of people, at least 5 of which hate each other, contact sports, and gluttony. And though most of us completely ignore the "giving thanks" portion of the performance, it's amazing in and of itself the lengths to which enemy in-laws will go to achieve the blissful tryptophan coma, known to black people simply as "the itis".

We all have a lot to be thankful for. If you're reading this then you have a computer, or if you're really fancy an iPad. Furthermore you can see and read, things we regularly take for granted. 

There are things in life that we don't say enough. "I love you". "Your breath reeks". And apparently at Penn State "don't touch me there". 

We should take more than 1 day a year to be thankful for all the things we have, and occasionally the things we don't have. 

So in the spirit of Thanksgiving I've decided to return to the realm of poetry and share with you guys what I am thankful for. 

I'm thankful for my sisters, my dad and my momma,

I'm thankful for Bromar, but not for Osama.

My iPhone, my car, and cable tv,

My friends and family who look after of me.

My years in college, for Norrie and Chuck,

All of those girls, who I got to... meet.

Growing up in the suburbs, picket fences and white folks,

William & Mary, nerds and their cloaks.

Not needing glasses, being able to run fast,

Being the son of a mother who can kick my ass.

Top notch education, not being a bum,

For 23 years and hopefully more to come.

The veterans who fight for freedom each day,

The black and the white, the straight and the gay.

PB&J, Wawa mac & cheese,

Being in good health, not having herpes.

I'm thankful Sandusky is nowhere near my weiner,
I'm thankful I'm not on drugs, couldn't be cleaner.
I couldn't let it go, whatever he gets is too light,
Enjoy prison you sicko, keep your butthole tight.

Always having clothes and food on my plate,

For Snyder and Willie, Judepert and Cait.

Not having to shave, baby face for life,

My future badass kids, and super hot wife.

I'm thankful for my job, my colleagues are nice,

I'm thankful my name isn't ghetto, I love that I'm Price.

Never got a girl pregnant, no child support,

Never been to prison, not a single day in court.

I'm thankful for old people, especially my grandmother(s),

I'm thankful I'm not OJ Simpson's lover.

The ability to travel, even the occasional jet lag,

I'm thankful I'm not an "occupy" douchebag.

I'm thankful I'm biracial, the black and the white,

I can make fun of everyone and it's always alright.

Black girls are too loud, white people can't dance,

I'm thankful for Megan Fox, sadly I have no chance.

Football and soccer, beer, sushi, and art,

Dave Chappelle, Modern Family, and Kevin Hart.

March 19, 1988,

One of my favorites, my birth date.

Finally graduated college, no more tests to pass,

For Kim Kardashian, and that big ol... personality.

The Civil War, the internet, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs,

HBO, ESPN, Chipotle and blow... wait that's the same word that's not even clever.

I'm thankful for being a guy, I'm thankful for boobs,

For Xbox and Call of Duty, and poning noobs. 

I'm thankful for life, the blessings I've received, 

Those friends who stay in my life, and the a-hole's who leave. 

Remembering every day, that life is a gift, 

"Vita Donum" on my leg, gives my spirits a lift. 

For Jeff, Mrs. Wrenn, and the dearly departed, 

No matter where you end up don't forget where you started. 

My tattoos that remind me not to dwell on the past, 

Push forward with a smile, each day could be your last.

With your bitch mother-in-law, try and be polite, 

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night!

Hmm. Wrong holiday. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Pkrispy out.