Social Posts
Facebook: not your grandmother's #bingo! #outofthebox thinking from young employee creates #paradigmshift in corporate #workflow
Twitter: #buzzwordbingo is a boon for #bigdata businesses looking to #benchmark #bestpractices
LinkedIn: Oops, you thought your employees were taking notes
Microsoft Lync:
Snapchat: Sorry, that picture was supposed to go to my other girlfriend
Working for big companies can be fun. You show up to a fancy building with that snazzy personal key card that works 87% of the time and gets you VIP access to the all the amenities your office has to offer: 3 toilets per every 100 employees, rigorously-vetted time sheets, and scooters OMFG so fun! Since your modern office is also all windows, you can stare out at everyone having a worse time than you. Smiling, walking, enjoying fresh air. Chumps. Luckily those windows don't open, amiright? You'd be compelled to share your joy with the passers-by. And the sidewalk.
Another one of the inherent and underrated benefits of working for a well-established, rigid corporation is the amount of meeting time you get to enjoy in any given week. Sure, the majority of them have nothing to do with you and either start an average of 10 minutes late or the technology breaks, but it's a great way to sit shoulder to shoulder with people you're forced to interact with and compete to see who can send the most texts without getting yelled at. That kids, is called "team building".
Look, I get it, you're having enough fun as it is. That guy standing at the front of the room reading the 56 slide power point presentation word for you word has you absolutely captivated. Understandably so. So much so, that you haven't yet realized that though there are words flowing from his mouth, or sporadically via the faulty Lync connection your office has, this presenter hasn't actually said anything.
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| No, no. Must be your software. |
Secret's out.
Although he's properly displayed the vertical agility necessary to accurately optimize all the low-hanging fruit in his deliverable for maximum efficiency, he hasn't entirely and/or cohesively baked-in his 90 day plan for synergy or pushed the envelope... at all. There wasn't enough sustainable ideation to leverage all necessary touch-points to ensure the paradigm adds value. And shame on him for not giving you a download of the 10,000 foot view of that information.
It's actually a fairly easy language to learn, and works amazingly as a parlor trick if you happen to be confused or don't know the answer to a question. You don't have to strive to make sense, you just have to say the proper buzzwords and you'll get some shockingly agreeable head nods from the audience.
As a way to help you familiarize yourself with this vernacular, be a better employee (you're welcome, you need it), and stay awake in meetings, we've developed for you Business Buzzword Bingo. Patent Pending. Alliteration approved.
THE RULES:
- Print the included board and bring with you to your next meeting. Make sure you've distributed other boards to your friends and mixed up the placement of the words. Duh.
- Sit scattered throughout the meeting space. You can't all be right next to each other.
- Pretend like you're taking notes. You do this anyway, but, try harder.
- Once you've connected 6 in a row horizontally or 10 vertically (admittedly, I really didn't think this through but it should really only take you like 3 minutes either way) you have to yell "Bingo!" If you don't yell, you don't win.
- Confidently stare back at your colleagues and superiors who are now looking at you confusedly, and be filled with the pride of your victory.
- Get kicked out of the meeting for being disruptive and pretend to be remorseful but actually just go to Sweetfrog and wait for an hour while everyone else suffers.
- Be at your desk when everyone wanders back aimlessly, and apologize profusely and vow to be better next time.
- Don't be better the next time.
If you like this, visit sansbullshitsans.com. Actually, even if you don't like this, but for some idiot reason made it all the way to the end, then you're a liar and you did enjoy it, and visit the site anyway.
