Strength & Loyalty

There is always something to complain about... and we always seem to find it. We as humans are instinctively glass half empty creatures, routinely failing to recognize & celebrate the good in our lives, instead dramatizing & sensationalizing the morbid.

It isn't to say that it's our fault, or that anyone or anything is to blame for our myopic nature, but day after day we can't help but make our "problems" the center of the universe, and each step that isn't in line with our plan is an absolute catastrophe.

We as humans frame the world based on our experiences within it, and it all comes down to a matter of perspective, and the relative importance you assign to each and every little action and interaction that in summation make up your life. There's no formula for this. There's no right or wrong.

But there are certain moments... snapshots that you will never forget... that, whether you like it or not, will change and shape the way you view the world, and forever alter how you fit inside it.

When I was younger I always associated strength with my father - a man who could do anything. Dad's are mythical figures aren’t they? They can fix anything, tangible or otherwise. Anything from a referral in school to a blown gasket in your shitty Daewoo, dad can fix it.

As I got a little older, and became more indoctrinated into the sports world, strength was all about physicality and brute force. It was about constantly asserting and reiterating your dominance, overtly showing how much heavy shit you could lift, or how easy it was for you to now kick the ass of the bully who used to give you wedgies.

Those were the measures of being strong. Until the age of 16 that's how life was framed for me. That's where my focus was.

But then I had my moment.

You would never think to associate strength with the image of a normal high school student simply walking into school after a round of chemo. And even as he starts to wilt physically you can never get him to admit that he's was feeling any different. You wouldn't think of a bald 3 year old girl smiling and humming as the nurse draws her blood for the thousandth time. You wouldn't think of the parents of these kids who are instantly willing to do absolutely whatever it takes to see their child healthy again. You forget about the siblings and all the other family members who offer encouragement and support and spend countless dollars and hours to make sure they are present and accounted for when they're needed, if only to tell a joke or say hello.

But then you see it unfold right before your eyes. You have a moment when you look at your childhood friend, or your mother, your father, your teammate, your roommate...and even though on the outside they look totally different, you know that same lively person is still energized inside. You ask them how they're doing, and you know, you know, the only thing they want to do is give up but they say "I'm good man" and flash a smile. It's at that moment you recognize what real strength is.

It’s at that moment you recognize how important loyalty is.

You realize that there are few people in this world who you can truly count on, and no matter how tired you are it's your responsibility to spend the night in the hospital or to drive 2 hours just to check in for a couple minutes. Why? Because you have that feeling somewhere inside you and you know beyond a reasonable doubt that they would do it for you. You begin to feel a combination of childish and guilty for the stupid shit you complain about, but at the same time you are gifted a surprising degree of clarity which if properly deployed will change everything about how you see the world.

I've never been seriously ill... and I thank the Lord for that. But that I do have more experience than I would like having to sit on the sidelines as people I care about are put to the test.

You’ll never get better insight into how devoted someone actually is to their friend than when they are really needed. I don’t mean an elaborate escape route from a bad hook up, or an extra $1.84 to supersize, I mean when they are unexpectedly called upon by a friend in need. You’re presented an unimpeded view of some of the deplorable things that seemingly good people will do at the expense of people they call their friends. What the general public might see as wonderful service is in too many cases an under handed ploy for glory. A search for sympathy because yes, it's hard to watch your friends go through trying times, or the facade of being charitable when in at the end of the day you’re mongering for credit and attention. It bastardizes and degrades the hard work that you've done and the sickeningly transparent display selfishly detracts from your friend, the one actually in need of support.

I can't begin to express how inspired I am by the millions of people, the select few who I know well and the countless others, who have, or are currently putting up incredible fights each and every day, on a level that I don't pretend to comprehend. Quite frankly it's disheartening to see that people will attempt to use the misfortune of others, of people they call their friends, to propagate their own agendas.

If you're in the midst of a struggle, keep your head up. If you know someone who is fighting, let them know how proud you are of them. Put your own ego aside and remember what's really important. Let them curse, let them cry, let them vent, because at the end of the day it's not about you. Who cares if people know all the work you've done, or if you get kudos for being a good friend. At the end of the day the only reward you should need is the look on your buddy's face, and the look on the face of the family, when he receives a clean bill of health. There's no amount of pats on the ass worth more than that.