As the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words. For young adults, a picture is typically the only way to figure out what the hell happened the night before. Those times we've woken up somewhere we don't recognize, next to somebody we would like to forget, wearing an adult diaper and only one sock, can only be explained via the photos that were snapped the night prior. They say that you should always travel with friends so you don't get hurt. Bullshit. Travel with friends so they can fill you in on how you did the entire Gangnam Style routine on top of the bar.
Last weekend was one of those weekends.
 |
| Ho Ho Holy Shit |
On Saturday, December 15th, sixty venues who participated in NYC Santacon donated a portion of the day's proceeds to the Marine Toys for Tots Foundation: as of right now, they've reported $20,000, with a projected total of $45,000. Also Santacon participants were asked to bring two cans of food to support local food banks. Santas donated 6,850 lbs of canned food at the event's starting point, which City Harvest is distributing.
Willie, Ginny, Snyder, myself, and a few others, affectionately known as Team Tinsel Dick, decided that it would be a good idea, nay, our civic duty, to participate in such a a heartwarming event. Now that it's been about a week, and all the pictures have surfaced, I would like to share for you an outline of how next year you, and yes even you, can spread some holiday cheer.
Friday, December 14, 2012
4:30am - Wake up in Charlottesville. Have to get down 29 to Arlington before the DC traffic gets too bad. Bus leaves at 10:30. Company Christmas party open bar is coming back to bite me.
4:35 - Eat a toaster strudel. Or two.
4:45 - On the road. Things are looking good.
7:00 - Arrive at Willie's in Arlington. Straight to the couch.
9:00 - Rudely woken up by Willie. Morning wood strikes again.
9:15 - Head to Snyder's to catch the metro to Union Station.
9:40 - Asian guy singing hymns on the metro. Guy gets pissed. Asian guy bails only to surface on another car going the opposite direction. Yes... Still singing.
10:15 - Arrive at union station & meet up with Snyder. Ginny is MIA.
10:25 - Board the bus. Ginny is still MIA.
10:30 - Ummmm. Ginny?
10:31 - Last person on the bus. That a girl.
3:30 - Arrive in NYC. Pretty sure Willie crop dusted the poor girl next to him the entire time.
4:30 - Drop off our stuff and stroll around South Street Seaport. A calm afternoon in the big apple.
5:30 - So much for calm. Laz arrives at the bar.
8:15 - Did you say unlimited wine? At a sushi restaurant?
10:00 - "We'll just head back to the apartment to meet our other friends then we'll meet you out".
10:15 - Ginny falls asleep in the cab.
We didn't make it back out.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
9:00am - Wake up on the couch. Why is Ginny on the floor? Chivalry might be nearly dead?
9:10 - We lost Snyder already? Start blasting Ke$ha in hopes he arrives.
9:30 - Wow. Can't believe that worked. Team shower?
10:00 - Here come the mimosas.
10:30 - I'm undecided whether having the tolerance of a 19 year old female is a good or bad thing.
10:45 - Time to suit up. A gang of female Santas, a reindeer (who could be mistaken for a wookie), a snowman, and a gift set out to the subway.
11:00 - Frighten locals, pose for pictures, and try to create as much havoc as possible on the streets of the Wall Street district. Always an awkward moment when you think someone is in costume and it turns out that they aren't. God bless America.
11:30 - Willie bonds with a 12 year old black kid on the subway. Drops some knowledge on him and gives him the "go out there and be somebody" speech. Poignant shit.
12:15 - Have walked for what seems like an eternity led by a diminutive ginger. After a couple close calls with motor vehicles and ruining people's lunches we arrive at our destination. We make our way to the bar.
12:20 - Carve out a decent spot. Oh there's only 8 people in our group? Yeah 20 shots seems like a reasonable idea. 5 Fireball, 5 Soco & Lime, 5 Tequila, & 5 Jameson.
12:30 - Bartender is taking too long. C'mon man you've walked by us like 3 times.
12:35 - Really guy? Just gonna pour shots for the people next to us and pretend like we aren't there.
12:40 - Two can play this game. Reach over the bar. Grab 4 shot glasses. That bottle of Fireball? Mine now. Time to bartend.
12:45 - Start distributing shots down the bar. One for you Buddy the Elf, two for me.
12:55 - Busted.
12:56 - Not kicked out? Greatest city in the world. Thankfully there was someone at the other end of the bar vomiting in his shoes so I wasn't public enemy #1.
1:30 - Gingerbread man dancing on a table and the sounds of shattered glass. If that doesn't scream Merry Christmas I don't know what does.
2:00 - Wait where did Willie get mistletoe? Why is he looking at me and holding it over his head?
2:01 - 4:40 - ??????
4:45 - Time for food. Meander into a pizzeria. This is a dangerous time of day. Everyone is very hungry and a little bit tired. This restaurant also seems way too family friendly for the likes of us. Wait. Where the hell is Laz?
6:45 - There he is.
7:15 - I'm assuming we paid for dinner? Back out on the town.
7:30 - Nightingale? Sounds like a good place to find a lot of strippers.
7:45 - No strippers. A guy dressed as Ted though. Good enough
8:00 - Willie... Willie... that person in the reindeer costume... yeah that's not a girl. Damnit.
8:30 - Alright everyone has been talking about this place Exchange, might as well go see what its all about.
9:30 - Gangnam Style? I've been waiting for this all day of course I'll make a total ass of myself! What took you so long to ask?
10:30 - Longest walk in the history of forever back to Nightingale.
11:45 - Fuck it. Time for bed
Surprisingly enough everyone made it out alive, and the only thing sacrificed was a shitload of self respect and far too much cash. See you there in 2013. Happy Holidays everyone!
No comments:
Post a Comment