Things Worse Than Work Pt. 1

There's no denying that the transition from college life to the working world is tough. Attendance at your job actually matters, you have to pay for your own food more often than not, and it's harder to get laid.

On top of that your job sucks. Joan in HR is a total bitch, the only hot girl in the entire office is dating a guy you're 98% sure is gay, and you're actually considering inviting your cousin to the company Christmas party. Doesn't get much worse than that.

Alas life is all about perspective, and deriving happiness from your surroundings is all about how you orient yourself. I mean... it could be worse... right?

Based on this theory, myself and my team at Krispy, Snyder, & Whitlock Inc. have decided to embark on a journey of discovery, scouring American society to come up with, for you, an expansive list of places that are worse than where you work.

Once each week, until we run out of ideas, so maybe once, no matter how many excel spreadsheets you've had to make, how many times you've tried unsuccessfully to copy your butt cheeks on the copier, or how many times you've had to listen to your brown nosing colleague verbally fellatio your boss during that unbearable 12 hour work day, you can reference a new list of 8, that's right don't question me, 8 establishments that are even worse than your job.

Recently at KSW Inc. we have tried to get funding for these new and exciting business ventures but we had a hard time finding potential investors.

Sandusky Day Care - At Sandusky Day Care center, located in scenic State College, Pennsylvania, they will do more than just simply touch your young child's heart and mind, they will actually touch your young child! At Sandusky's they don't know the meaning of the word "no", and in tandem with a senile octogenarian and New York's favorite pedophile Bernie Fine, SDC will make sure every part of your child is in the good hands of creepy old men, even though its illegal!

Ben Roethlisberger Rape Awareness Center - Who better to teach young men about the perils of rape than an actual rapist!? At the Roethlisberger Rape Awareness Center we will make sure that your son understands that if she's drunk enough, she's basically asking for it. And if you're famous enough, you can get away with it! BRRAC - Throwing Picks and Raping Chicks! Come on by!

Ike Turner Marriage Counseling - Renown marriage expert Ike Turner has finally decided to share with the world his secret to a successful life with your spouse. Partnering with fellow expert OJ Simpson, the 2 have published the national bestseller "If You Can't Beat 'Em... Kill 'Em". Grab your copy today!

Casey Anthony Babysitting Service - Do you hate your child? Do you wish they would just "go away"? Well then boy do we have a package for you! We'll get rid of those pesky little ankle biters and you can finally enter that Hooters wet t-shirt contest, which everyone knows is a popular sign of mourning. Wink. Don't worry about the police coming after you, our crack team of sleaze ball lawyers will make sure that you get away scot free!


Ron Artest Psychiatric Center - We're crazy about your business! Disclaimer: Upon registration you have to change your name to something completely ridiculous and punch a few unfit middle aged sports fans. See you soon!


Travis Henry Planned Parenthood - Are you a millionaire athlete who just can't keep it in his pants? Every time you have unprotected sex and shoot your soldiers inside your girl does she go off and like the irresponsible harlot she is get pregnant!? We at Travis Henry Planned Parenthood sympathize with your plight. Our staff is experienced with not only having multiple kids we can't pay for, but blowing an NFL salary in the process. Walk ins welcome.


Amanda Knox Study Abroad Program -

Rodney King Self Defense Classes - Have you ever wondered what it was like to be black in America? Well you're in luck. Join the Rodney King Self Defense School and the man himself will teach you how to get your ass beat by racist white cops. We've got billy clubs, tasers, and we'll even film it so you can show your friends and family! We strive for authenticity in our training so we even have other white people there watching so you get the full Rodney King experience. 75% discount if you're already black... that's about all there is to learn here.

Fun fact. The Sergeant who tased Rodney King was named Sergeant Koon. Not even I could make that shit up. Ahhh God Bless America.

See ya next week!