Things Worse Than Work Pt. 2

The last few weeks at KSW Inc. have been rather hectic. Snyder is always off getting Ryan'd, and Willie has been off on his own doing... well never mind. The point is that we haven't had the proper time to offer appropriate and in depth perspective about the world of work, and quite frankly we got no help from the rest of you. Nothing a bottle of Johnny Walker can't fix.

While I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, that's right folks I strive to be politically correct, not everyone believes in baby Jesus and fat white men with reindeer, we are in the midst of one of the toughest work weeks of the year. The post Christmas hangover is in full effect, and though you finally got rid of your horribly annoying in laws you're back next to Janice who won't shut the fuck up about her new iPad.

But it could be worse... You could be employed at one of these less than reputable establishments.

Michael Jackson's Boy Scout Troop - At troop 69 we don't care if you're black or white. Don't  scream if you see a man in the mirror, he just wants to beat it you PYT! Bring your son down today!

Ha. Clever.

Check My Reading Level Ho

Antonio Cromartie Readin' With Kids - If you can understand this advertisement we really need you in this program.This is actually a little different than anything KSW has ever promoted before. We are actually looking for 6 year old's to teach this illiterate millionaire how to read. The Jets have finally had enough and need to help their cornerback improve his quality of life. He always orders the wrong thing at restaurants, can never find the right gender bathroom, and street signs... forget about it. We'll start with Dr. Seuss on Monday. 


Sam Hurd's Young Entrepreneur Program - At the Sam Hurd young entrepreneur program we take at risk youth from the Chicago area and put them at even more risk! This top notch after school program teaches your children how to make it in the real life drug game. Learn conversion rates for cocaine and marijuana as well as a C+ NFL player's tricks to building a successful business. Partner with real live Columbians and make your dreams a reality. Sign up today!

Michael Vick Kennel - Are you trying to go on vacation but don't know what to do with man's best friend? Send the bitch to the world renowned Michael Vick Kennel. Here at MV we strive to give your pup the shittiest and most illegal experience possible. After depriving them of food and locking them in a dirty basement we'll train them to fight each other while others watch for sport! Your sweet little dog will be a killing machine in no time!

This Is Step 13

Caite Upton Geography Course - Can you're D- child not even locate the US on a world map?! Well boy do we have the program for you. We personally believe that uhh some, most umm, US Americans don't have maps and that our education, like South Africa and the Iraq such as, should help the education of the US with the other Asian countries. You know what. Just give her a push up bra and some make up. School is for fools.

Amy Winehouse AA - Do you want to go through a normal 12 step rehab? No no no. Come to AWAA instead and we'll skip all that other shit where you pretend to make amends and get you right back where you belong... on the booze. No withdrawal, no sponsors, just a safe place to get liquored up and do a few lines while your significant other is home telling her mother that you've "finally changed". 25% discount if you already have terrible tattoos, crooked teeth, and a general disregard for your appearance. Extra $15 a month for over dose insurance.

Plaxico Burress Gun Control Seminar - Here's what the kids of today don't know. If you're famous and just won a Super Bowl, everyone is going to try to kill you everywhere you go. So at the Plaxico Burress Gun Control Seminar we prepare you for every contingency. Whenever you are out with your boys make sure you have a loaded weapon with the safety off stuffed in your pants. Also make absolutely certain that you are in a state with really strict unregistered fire arm laws so just in case it goes off in public and you look like a complete asshole for shooting yourself in the leg and almost ruining your career you still get to go to jail and be some murderer's bitch. The wait list is filling up so enroll today!

Magic Johnson Safe Sex Initiative - Let's be honest. It's common knowledge that if you are rich and famous enough you can basically bone whoever you want without repercussions. I mean Wilt slayed thousands of girls while rocking booty shorts and a pornstache. At the Magic Johnson Safe Sex Initiative we are here to debunk all those social myths and tell you that if you achieve highly enough in life you can raw dog anyone you want, even if you're married. Don't let that A hole Trojan man fool you, condoms are for whimps. And don't bother to get her tested, just trust her when she tells you that you're her first. Let's get it in!

I've had fun with this this year and I thank all you guys for reading this foolishness. You keep reading, I'll keep writing. Hopefully we don't all croak in 2012.